three months.
that was your use-by date for me. i knew it would come eventually because it always does but i didn't expect it to come so soon so sudden see, this one is not like the one stamped on a milk carton you throw it out because it's sour and can make you ill but this one was just when you decided you no longer enjoyed me found that i'm not your favorite anything anymore i did not turn sour. or ruin and my use-by date for you never even crossed my mind i thought we had something real but i was just a new thing for you to try exciting and delectable at first but bland and insipid once the new wore off honestly
i never thought i'd live this long 20 has been the worst year of my life maybe 21 will be better you thought
i was worth knowing but you did that very thing-- know me truly deeply fully intimately-- and changed your mind decided i wasn't worthy of your attention wasn't worthy of your love but maybe you didn't know me like you thought you did maybe you don't know me at all i can't listen to my playlists anymore
the band camino plays and all i can think of is us together both sporadically and simultaneously belting out the same melody because it was our song the paper kites takes me back to coffee dates and intimate moments dermot kennedy flashes the images of our late-night drives and beach trips the brook and the bluff calls up endless times of sharing songs and playlists with one another once the sweetest of times turned salty and pain with each song we shared you've ruined music for me i thought
you were better but you're just like him sometimes i still get panic attacks when i think about you
dread fills my chest and angst overcomes me sometimes i still have nightmares about you your incandescent blue eyes burning a hole in my mind that remains even after i wake sometimes i still feel helpless when i see you like it used to be, trapped, a prisoner to your words and your hands sometimes i die a little when paintings of you flash through my mind haunting me with memories of what once was and no longer can be sometimes i wish i never met you but then sometimes i imagine your singing to help me fall asleep your smooth, familiar tone the only soothing defense when insomnia attacks sometimes i wear the shirt you left over here because it makes me feel closer to you each fiber ingrained with impressions of your cologne sometimes i listen to music that i know you like the melody bringing a sweetness with the essence of you sometimes i think about you and the butterflies come back filling up my insides and suffocating me sometimes i love you all over again sometimes |
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February 2022
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