i'm better off
alone that way no one can misinterpret my words twist my personality judge my beliefs or take offense at who i am solitude creating self-appreciation rather than societal-depreciation
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when i feel less
or when i feel more i feel both spontaneously simultaneously a perpetual paradox of personality a consistent game of tug-of-war between superiority and worthlessness both noxious yet easily bought into everlasting cycles of highs and lows that ceaselessly spin merciless and uncaring about my wellbeing solely poised to tear me in different directions drawn and quartered ripped apart and unable to be pieced back together an inevitable death you believe
you've taught me something-- don't make me laugh it's just like a man to credit himself for something he had no part in to speak condescendingly as if i should be honored to have him as an "advisor" i didn't ask for nor desire to behave as though his offensive & sexist remarks are wisdom from the very mouth of God to explain something he has little to no knowledge of to dumb it down to "simple terms even a woman can understand" your "mansplaining" is just another form of misogyny i don't need your explanation affirmation or advice keep your prideful ignorance to yourself or better yet don't open your mouth at all *TRIGGER WARNING* \ a knife in my hand
a wrist in need of stitches my feet on a ledge a body in need of catching capsules in my palm a stomach in need of pumping unwanted ideations in every situation death is not my desire but they come anyway i used to brush them off play pretend as if they were normal but i've awoken to the fact that my own mind is my worst enemy a combination of unbalanced chemicals and reckless behavior birthing fatal solutions that beat against the inside of my skull until acted upon advocating for the thought to manifest into an eternal relief and boundless escape a reality that reflects the ideations |
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February 2022
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