perpetual heartache
perennial pain deathless woe combine all three and it forms into me
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green denim
flower pattern my best friend's borrowed t-shirt when you undid the strap you unwound a piece of me when you felt the fabric you touched a piece of my soul when you slid the hem up my thighs you pushed the thought of anyone else out what was once my favorite overall dress hangs unworn in my closet a constant reminder of that night in your car on the corner of Old Shell and Semmes painful to remember but wonderful to think about i get butterflies
when i see your face hear your name when i think of your lips on mine your fingertips on my skin but i wish the butterflies were dead because i don’t want to see your face hear your name reminisce on how your lips and tongue touched mine how your fingers stained me bruised me ruined me for anyone else but you i wish they were dead because i don’t want to want you i don’t want you to have power over me my emotions my thoughts my actions my life i want you to disappear the way a butterfly's wings crumble when it dies i want to touch the memories of you and have them fall to pieces dissipating before my eyes gone in an instant but that’s impossible because so much of you has crawled into me and sprouted wings beating against my insides pleading let me out let me out and i want to but i can’t i can’t let you out because i don’t know how i don’t know how to open up myself and release you because how can i release you when i can’t even free myself how can i free you when i’m locked inside prisoner to my own mind own heart how can i let you go when you’re all i’ve had not all i want but all i know so instead of letting those butterflies go i wish they were dead so then at least they can’t crawl into anyone else |
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February 2022
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