i thought
when the winter fled so would the sadness i believed when the chill dissolved so would the melancholy i hoped when the sun shone brightly the flowers bloomed and the animals awoke the depression would scurry away into hiding scared of the light and noise but that was all just wishful thinking no season can eradicate this burden from my mind and i wish i hadn't been naive enough to get my hopes up just to be crushed by reality why can't i love the ones who love me?
it would be so much simpler if i wanted the nice innocent young man the one who would treat me like the queen of his kingdom like the sun at the center of his unvierse but it's too easy there's no challenge no pursuit why would i want someone who lies as a doormat obeying my every whim out of sheer adoration? without the chase it's merely a boring sport where the predictable end is my victory would you want to play a game if you already knew you'd win everytime? no the fun is in the performance in the act without it the reward is meaningless unearned why would i partake in a game if the prize isn't worth it? *Trigger Warning*blood
blood on my hands blood in the sink drip drip drip falling with finality every word bubbling over with each drop "you're not pretty enough" "you're not skinny enough" "you should kill yourself" a warm viscous metallic reminder of the standards i can never meet all the men in my life have tried to control me
so excuse me if i shy away from the idea of being bonded to you when you're a perfect carbon copy of them just waiting to immure me nothing is better
than the smell of fresh rainfall on a cool day as i sit outside my favorite coffee shop cortado in hand heart full simple bliss everyone
has a light & a dark side you beckoned to see the latter i only showed you a sliver not the entire, complex corpus you wanted to see it yet it frightened you overwhelmed you concerned you don't act like you want to see if it'll actually blind you don't beg for transparency and be so quick to shy away at the horrors you find in the small glimpse welcome to my dark side it's part of me and you'll have to accept it in order to see and understand me as you seem to desire to because it's shaped me into who i am formed my strengths and weaknesses it's created me for the better and worse so again, welcome to my dark side look away if you can't handle it |
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February 2022
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